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Introduction
Speaking English in front of Japanese people can make me quite nervous. Even with the flexibility of online English conversation classes like "NativeCamp," I've rarely taken lessons from Japanese teachers. I prefer chatting with teachers from the Philippines or Serbia.
There are practical reasons for this, like Japanese teachers' classes often being fully booked and the difficulty in choosing them, but I've also enjoyed experiencing different cultures and ways of life through foreign teachers' stories.
However, reflecting on my past experiences, I've come to realize that I have a fear of speaking English in front of Japanese people.
Fear of Making Mistakes
The most significant reason for my hesitation is the anxiety about making mistakes. I worry about mispronouncing English words, using expressions that may not be suitable for the situation, or accidentally using phrases with poor etiquette. It feels like a never-ending cycle of overthinking when I start considering all these things.
When conversing with an online English teacher or foreign friends, they often clarify if I make a mistake by asking, "Do you mean [this]?" However, when speaking with Japanese people who are proficient in English, they tend not to provide this kind of assistance.
I find that when I speak with someone who is less confident in their English skills, I tend to question if my corrections might hurt their feelings or if I'm making a mistake in pointing it out. People who don't ask me to clarify might also lack confidence in their own English abilities.
Fearing English-Speaking Returnees
Speaking with English-speaking returnees is also intimidating for me. Lately, there are many YouTubers and TikTokers with international backgrounds who create videos like "This Kind of English Won't Work!" Such content suggests that only high-level English skills are worth considering. While I've reached a point where I can hold conversations unless they involve highly complex topics, my past self would consider it an achievement to respond in English at all.
I've encountered situations where I had to speak English in front of English-speaking returnee friends. These friends were expected to be fluent in English, yet they didn't seem to engage in the conversation at all. We ended up having awkward exchanges in broken English. I couldn't help but wonder if they thought I was incompetent.
Insecurities of Returnees
Conversely, I've also been approached by returnee friends who had the opposite concern, saying, "I'm a returnee, and I can speak English better than those who grew up in Japan. I don't want people to think I'm looking down on them."
I was genuinely surprised by this perspective because I had no problem with them or their English skills. In fact, they were always supportive and corrected me when I stumbled in English. One of them even praised my knowledge of Japanese and Japanese literature, which was my strong suit.
To be honest, unless someone's English skills are terribly inadequate, some people don't seem to care about the level of their friends' English. I tend to get nervous about speaking English in front of Japanese people, whether they speak English well or not. I think it's a confidence issue.
Building Self-Confidence
Of course, people's reactions vary. Some might indeed look down on the English spoken by Japanese people, but others won't. I believe that we shouldn't forget that there are people with both perspectives.
Online English teachers at NativeCamp have often told me, "You need more self-confidence!" I agree; self-confidence is what I need. So, I plan to continue with online English lessons until I go abroad to build my confidence by increasing my communication experiences.
In conclusion, although I feel anxious about speaking English in front of Japanese people, I've learned that I shouldn't worry so much about it. Building self-confidence in my language skills will be my key to overcoming this fear.
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